I’m in HR and I Need a Laugh

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I sat down to write today’s blog and decided I needed a mood lightener. First, I thought about sharing one of those hilarious “it could only happen in HR” stories. But we’re not a big office and I’d run the risk of exposing personal information about an employee, so scratch that idea.

Next, I dug through my humor folder, where I save stuff that tickles my funny bone, to see what popped. I had a reminiscent chuckle over this unattributed list found on a forum a while back.  

Rules Left Out of "LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK" That We Should Know:

  1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  3. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  4. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check out three of your friends. If they're OK, guess what....
  6. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
  7. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  8. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  9. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
  10. If you are given an open book exam, you will forget your book.
  11. COROLLARY: If you are given a take home test, you will forget where you live.
  12. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
  13. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  14. You can't fall off the floor.
  15. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
  16. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  17. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
  18. Law of Probability Distribution: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

On second thought, there are a couple of inappropriate references on this list, so I’d better pass.

I next tried to find a source of “politically correct” humor online that I could tap into. Instead I found ample evidence that the phrase “politically correct humor” is something of an oxymoron. In my search, I did find Tips for Using Humor in the Workplace and some pretty serious discussions about what is and is not funny in the workplace, but there were few usable examples of the recommended clean, “inoffensive to all" humor.

Finally, I gave in and snagged this from someecards. Mea culpa.

 

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20 Secrets of the World’s Greatest Coaches

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20 Secrets of the World's Greatest Coaches Cleaning out some old files I came across a handout from a coaching workshop I attended some years ago. A single sheet of paper with the heading “The Coach’s Toolbox” and a list: Twenty Secrets of the World’s Greatest Coaches.[1] Heartfelt Coaching by woodleywonderworks, Flickr The page included a scorecard with the obvious intent of allowing participants to score themselves (from 1-5 on each attribute). It was blank. I’m not sure if that means I was uncomfortable scoring myself when I received the handout, or …

5 Top Corporate Succession Fails

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Pirate Bold. Wikimedia Commons, public domain In spite of the fact that succession planning is identified as a critical and strategic component of HR management, even major international corporations often get it wrong. Here is a quick review of what we consider to be some of the more damaging succession fails in the past few years. J.C. Penny Ron Johnson was brought in to J.C. Penney as CEO to preside over an attempted company makeover. While he was busy abolishing price markdown sales in favor of a “Fair and Square” pricing strategy and attempting to turn …

HR Technology Trends to Watch

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Aside from managing core HR data, Human Resources and technology may seem like an oxymoron at first glance. But in today’s tech and media saturated environment, managing data is only the beginning. At SHRM 2013, the SHRM Special Expertise Panel shared the following current and emerging HR Technology Trends. And one trend is crystal clear; HRIM is not just about employee data anymore. 1. HR Data is Secure in the Cloud The cloud is a secure place to do business. Even the U.S. Federal Government manages payroll and other government business in the cloud, as Amazon was happy to …

Making HR Fun in 3 Different Ways: A Carnival of HR Blogs

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All of us at TribeHR are excited to (once again) be hosting the Carnival of HR. For this week’s carnival, we asked HR bloggers to send us their best (recent) posts about making HR fun. When HR administration is slowing you down, that can be a tough theme. But as always, the HR blogosphere was up to the task. We only picked the best posts for inclusion in this week’s carnival. Here are the top 3 ways that HR makes its own fun: 3. Meetings and Metrics As Karin Hurt at Let’s Grow Leaders (subscribe here) …

Top Ten Performance Review Mistakes HR Professionals Make

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To try to boost employee performances, most businesses offer performance reviews on a regular schedule. Unfortunately, many managers and HR professionals never receive specific training on how to make a performance review useful and effective. As a result, performance reviews often end up having little impact on, well… anything at all. Here are the top 10 mistakes: Mistake #1: Vague feedback. Mistake #1: Too Vague Whether it’s a lack of preparation time, an inability to communicate effectively, or a fear of offending an employee, a lot of reviewers use vague language in their performance reviews. Worse yet, some reviews contain only numbers …

13 Ways to Get Your Employees To Tune Out

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Wouldn’t it be easier to keep your entire team disengaged? Think about it; they walk in the door with their own laundry list of personal baggage, for some reason they want to be respected, they’re ambitious, and sometimes they even get distracted. So why bother? If you’re ready to destroy your company and shatter morale, we’ve got 13 unlucky tips for you! WARNING: No HR Manager worth their salt would follow this advice—the results would be ugly. So please enjoy the laugh, then go back to doing what you do best.1. Forget about sincerity Your employees …

5 Ways to Become the Chief Culture Officer

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Corporate culture is loosely understood to be the shared attitudes and values of employees in a company. But what happens when a business experiences significant growth in a short period of time, as many startups do? Frequent hiring and rapid turnover can mean substantial changes to your organizational culture, and not all of them will be positive. That’s why it’s crucial for every business leader to make an effort to define and reinforce the corporate culture their organization wants and needs. Many companies choose to hire human resources professionals to help maintain their culture and take responsibility for …

5 Ways to Tell if An Employee is About to Quit

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When an employee loves their job, there are obvious signs. They’re friendly, meet deadlines, are visibly productive, and seek out opportunities to help the rest of the team. What happens when an employee is contemplating a job move, though, is quite another story. Fortunately, if you can pick up on these signs early enough, you may be able to prevent turnover and keep your team intact. 1. Sudden illnesses: It may seem as though the employee is suddenly taking a lot of sick days. Alternatively, they may frequently come to work for just a few hours before unexpectedly going home  …

16 Signs You Work In HR

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A career in human resources can be extremely fulfilling. There’s no other industry where you can work directly with people, balancing the sometimes conflicting needs of management while ensuring a happy, cohesive team. It takes a certain kind of personality to thrive—you must be organized, patient and fair. What else does it take? Check out our list of the signs you work in HR. Does this sound like you? You’re suddenly a lawyer: Everyone assumes you have a strong footing in all things legal, particularly regarding employment issues. Make it clear your degree says Human Resources, not …

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